No One Ever Said IT was Going to be Easy!

No one ever said it was going to be easy!  What is IT?  Let me see:  life, parenting, marriage, being a professional, working a job, being the boss, quitting an addiction, dealing with emotional pain, dealing with physical pain, staying or getting into shape…  

When we are little, all we have to worry about is playing and doing the right things to stay out of trouble. And, even that isn't easy for some of us.  As we grow older, new and more challenging responsibilities come our way.  Middle school is more challenging than elementary; you have many teachers, lockers and social issues to deal with that were not a part of the younger years.  Academically, high school and college provide more responsibilities and challenges.  And, then, you get a job!  Every day the same thing:  Get up, get ready, go to work, come home, get ready for the next day, and get up to do it all again and again and again!  Babies mean there are bottles to wash and bags to pack and lunches to prepare.  Your kids go to school and you add homework.

I think that we have it so easy in the blessed country that we often think that EVERYTHING should be easy.  I know that I have been caught in the way of thinking.  If every day was easy, where would the joys of life come from?  WE have to deal with rude and selfish people to appreciate the awesome folks in our lives.  We have days of feeling physical pain and discomfort which can help us enjoy the good days.

Once, when all of our girls were little and I was teaching, had a dance studio, was active in church, and coached the high school dance team . Then, a curve was thrown my way that took the breath out of me.  WE had a child who was struggling with learning to read.  Now, that may not sound like a big deal, but this child had always been bright and observant.  She was a s sharp a a tack, but the words would NOT come.  In addition to that she had ADD with hyperactivity (some say ADHD) and the very thing she needed to do to overcome the dyslexia, focus, was a problem!

I cried, I prayed, and I begged God to take it away!  But, I also researched and learned as much as I could about the situation and how to best help her.  There were days through the 5th grade where she and I sat and did homework and reading and spelling for hours after school.  Did I want to teach all day and then come home and teach for two, three, or four hours in the evening?  NO!  But, that is what she needed to become successful.  So, I did it. I would cry and complain to friends and family about how hard it was.  Then, one day, a friend who is also a counselor, gave me a new perspective.  How?  She said, "Regina, I know it is hard, but no one ever said ti was going to be easy!"

Wow, it was like a slap in the face.  I had never thought about life like that.  Not easy.  No!  But, worth it!  I did some reevaluating of my life and decided that some things would have to go.  For me, it was the dance team.  Eventually, I gave up the dance studio, too.  Sometimes, we have to take a look at our lives and decide what we need to do.  Maybe, we need to let go of a relationship that is bringing us down.  Maybe, we need to change jobs.  Maybe, we need to deal with the hurts and pains in life that make us grouchy, mean, or keep up addicted to drugs or alcohol!  And, even that will not be easy.

In my counseling graduate school program, we were taught that people come to counselors because they feel badly and they want to feel better.  The problem is, as they told us in school, many people don't realize that they have much work to do in order to deal with the things that are causing them to feel badly and that can cause discomfort!  A lot of people do not go back when they discover this.  Even counseling is not easy!

As a school counselor and teacher and director of a non-profit that deal with teens and families, I hear parents complain.  Many times it is about the child not doing homework, or it could be a more serious issue and they are looking for advice.  After letting them know that I can tell that they are struggling I help them figure out ideas that work. For example: If the child is not doing homework, require them to have teachers sign the agenda and then send them to their room if it is not done!  They can come out for a ten minute meal and a ten minute bath and then back.  Will they learn the first time?  Maybe, maybe not!  But, eventually, if the parents are consistent and check and recheck and help them learn that they have to earn privileges like screen time (cell phone, TV, computer…) the child will grow up to be a responsible adult who is more likely to be able to deal with the challenges of life.  I warn the parents that "training up a child in the way he or she should go" is not going to be easy! But, it is the job of parents to do these things and worth it.

The same is true in a marriage.  Time, effort, flirting, dating, sharing household responsibilities, and communicating are required elements for a good marriage.  Too often, people get caught up in the details of life to do what needs to be done to keep a relationship healthy.  Taking time to learn about the other gender and working on the relationship is not easy, but it is very much worth it, if done.

So, what are you struggling with?  Find others to help you.  Read books or get on the internet for ideas.  The Bible teaches us that the things we struggle with and overcome are the things we can use to help others.  There is someone who has gone through some of the same issues you are dealing with.  They can help you.

Whatever you are struggling with does not mean your life is hopeless.  Dealing with the issues, taking stock of your situation, and making changes are NOT easy but can help you get to a better place.  Know this though: There will be other struggles to come.  But, that is what life is.  A fellow teacher had a quote on her wall that something like this, "We are are in a great struggle.  It is called life."  I love that!  Quotes help me to see the big picture, as does my Bible.  Knowing that everyone is struggling with something helps me to have more patience with folks and myself.  Yes, things can be difficult at times, but they can be AWESOME at times too!  I hope you choose to make the changes you need to make!  I hope I can continue to do so as well! Not easy, but YOU CAN DO IT IF YOU DECIDE TO!