Touching, listening, receiving, encouraging, doing! Which of these is your language of love? Which language belongs to your spouse or your children? If you can learn the languages for the people around you, woo! The sky is the limit to the joy, peace, and love you will share!
Gary Chapman wrote a book about the five languages of love. It is been popular and you can even take an on-line test to see what your language is. Novelist, Andy Andrews, wrote about four styles and used animals, (pets) as analogies for the languages in a book based on his life on the Gulf Coast. In comparing the two men's love languages they are very similar. The animals helped me remember and teach the styles better:
The Gold Fish style or the Do Works of Service for Me style -- This is a person who needs to shown they are loved by acts of service/kindness. This could be helping with household chores. It could be volunteering to do an errand or cooking a meal. These are the people who are often willing to do something FOR others. Think of a gold fish. It is a pet that requires little but an occasional cleaning of its environment. That is what a person with language speaks. Show them love by doing things for them!
NOTE: We tend to show love the way we want to be shown love! It takes practice to learn how to speak the language of others.
The Canary or Listen to Me or Spend Time with Me style -- This person wants to be able to sit and tell you his or her story and you REALLY listen! Just like the canary is in its cage singing for all who will hear, this person wants to be heard. To speak this language, you don't have to speak much at all. Just listen and spend time (undivided time) with them.
The Cat or Touch Me style -- Think about a cat. They do not care if you talk to them or listen to their meows. They show love by rubbing against you and asking you for affection. People who speak this language can never have too many hugs, pats on the back, holding of hands, or kisses.
The Dog or Tell Me How Well I Have Done style -- When I come home and am met by my dogs they are THRILLED to see me! They a run around, pant and are generally very excited. They love when I act the same way towards them. You can see them get excited when I talk to them and tell them how sweet they are or what good boys they are. They love to hear me say, "Good-boy". People who speak this language of love need to be encouraged. They want to know that they are doing a good job. They NEED to be told they are loved with words. Acts of service and listening is not enough for them!
The Reptile or Buy me Gifts style -- Think of a lizard or snake as a pet. They couldn't care less if you pet them, touch them or even try to listen to them. How does one let them know they are loved? By giving them things! Buying little white mice (that is sooooo sad to me) or dropping in their favorite treat is how you show them love. Some people need to receive gifts to know they are loved. If you think about it, all of the pets mentioned above need to have things purchased for them, but this style NEEDS a gift here and there to KNOW they are loved.
Can you tell which you are?
I know that buy husband, Joey, is the gold fish. He wants acts of service and gives acts of service to me and his daughters. He often says he likes taking care of us. I have to remember to do things FOR him. He couldn't care less if I buy him a birthday gift, but loves it when I help cut grass, vacuum the pool and such!
Our oldest daughter is the dog. She needs to be told she is loved. She loves encouraging words. I try to tell her how proud I am of her and how much I love her. Her face lights up a room when she is given this type of love.
Our middle daughter wants you to listen, listen, listen! She is definitely the canary. I have to stop and listen. I let her know I am listening by repeating things she has said and attaching feel words into the summary. You should see her light up!
And, our baby is the kitty cat. She wants to be hugged and patted on the back. Since she was tiny, she would hang all over us, EVEN when it was HOT! She loves a hug or kiss, and eats up when she gets to lay in my lap while watching TV! Then, if I pat on her or play with her hair, she is in heaven!
What am I? I think I am a combo of the dog, canary, reptile, and cat. Mostly, I guess the dog wins out because I NEED to be told I am doing a good job and am loved! But, then, I love gifts, and when someone listens> No the dog wins out! No, it's the canary. Or is it the reptile. I think!
Maybe I will go and take the on-line test and get back with you on that! :-)
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